Woody Allen Quotes

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.
The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.
I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily as lying down.
The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
Not only is there no God, but trying getting a plumber on weekends.
More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
I knew I was in love. First of all, I was very nauseous.
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering--and it's all over much too soon.
I'm astounded by people who want to "know" the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
How am I immature? Intellectually, emotionally, and sexually. Yeah, but in what other ways?
I was thrown out of there during my freshman year, for cheating on my metaphysics final. You know, I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.
Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.
I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

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