W. C. Fields Quotes


If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damned fool about it.
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.
Once, during prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
I like children. Properly cooked.
Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child -- if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
Start off everyday with a smile and get it over with.
Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them but I wouldn't want to own one.
I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
I'll be sober tomorrow, but you'll be crazy for the rest of your life.

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